Bad brochure:
Visit my room: It is a room with privacy and peace. The walls are painted white and it has a very comfortable bed, it has a stereo and beautiful views. It includes a big closet and a very confy bathroom with a tub. It also has a nice couch where you can lay down to read. Come and see it!
Good brochure:
Do you need some peace? Do you want some privacy? I’ve got the perfect place for you! That’s right! Come to my room.
It has panoramic views; walls are painted white so they give you the feeling of peace and tranquillity. It includes a fabulous, comfortable bed; a magnificent couch next to one of the windows so you can lay down to rest or read there while the sunlight illuminates the bedroom. My room has a full-size closet and a gorgeous bathroom with a spacey bathtub that has hydro-massage. This bedroom includes impressively high standard audio equipment with a marvellous wooden shelf to keep your stuff! Imagine yourself resting in my room listening to a fragment of serene music while the sun sets and you enjoy of the panoramic view thanks to the glass wall next to the wonderful bookshelf!
So come to my room and you will understand the meaning of the words calmness, peace, serenity, privacy, tranquillity, space, and all the kinds of things you look for in a place to stay!
2 comments:
It has nice amount of description, and it uses persuasive words such as tranquility, peace harmony, it makes you wanna be there.
It's grammar is very good but maybe the openning part can be improved slightly.
The spelling is good and overall this piece of writing is of a good standard.KEEP IT!
sofia
This a a great brouch Rebeca! It seems to me we can all notice a great difference between the good and the bad brouch. In the good brouch we can find a lot of description which makes you imagen and want to be there. I really like this piece of work.
Ale G
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